Thursday, August 16, 2012

Seventeenth

Seventeenth, the number that I shall remember the most. This is the date where everything begins between me and him. This date always bring me back to the memories that we shared and we sailed with each other for the past few years. Which to be exact it had been 4 years and 2 months today. Coincidence, he called around midnight as what he always did. But the date had been reminded each of us to just recalled back all the memories. To remember each and everything sweet and loveable moments that we had, so much that I would not and I hope I will not forget every single thing. But the sad things, the mistakes that I had done overwhelmed the love that we shared and cherish together. The wrong steps that I had took had put this relationship to the wall and cracked. Like glass slammed on the wall. 


What else can I say about this relationship? Never end? He did put the full stop the other day. But I did told him that he can never be replaced. He still contacted me like usual, we still talked like how we used to. I can't lie to myself that I still can't get rid of him. He is that special to me and I don't want that to end. By reminding myself that we are not together like last time, it bring my tears. My sadness that I can't hold him in my arms, I can't be in his arms either. The warm hugs that I always had last time, to cry on his shoulder and to sit beside him again, that is all that I can dream of. To make it happen, I can't tell, because Allah have a better plan for each and everyone of us in the future. InsyaAllah, when that happen I shall praising to Him after all these happened, I had learned to be a better person. Mistakes that had been done, I can never change, but I shall learn. 


To love and mr you know who you are, both of you did had the place in my life. 

For you Mr you know who you are, as for our future, I shall leave it to Allah. I can never tell more than that. My heart is to the love but if Allah wrote something else, please forgive me. I cannot give more than I have in this life. I appreciate on what you had done in the couple months but I'm sorry, I don't think that we can make it that far. I'm deeply sorry. 


Seventeenth, you had thought me so much that I can remember and I shall leave this to faith. 

Rein, and this is my seventeenth story. Love much.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

This Love

Hey all. By reading what I had been writing for the past few months, I think all had been WELL informed about this HIM. The love of my life and the only one that I want. BUT *see*, we had been talking about this to each other and had clarified with all these since I have to know what is happening around me now. After all, this is my life. My future that we are talking about. Thus, when he called the other day, and since that is quite long conversation between us, I decided to ask him. Yes, end up he told me that between us are JUST FRIENDS. Nothing more than that. He is part of my family and so do I. That is all that he said and obviously what he wanted. 

Thus, this so called waiting Love Story had come to the end. After 4 years and 1 months, the up's down's and all those laughter neither tears all had end. As what he wanted and what I had asked him, there we go. Separated to each other and on our own ways of living. CERITA KAMI TAMAT. *really?* Still can't believe that all this had come to the end. So much of our memories with each other. How can I just let go all those? Ya Allah, help me to be in a better place and with someone that really deserve me. It is never been easy no matter how and what. 


First love and true love are two different things. Which way you understand it, your heart and what you had went through is the best teacher. So, no one can tell how long will it take to forget one person; PLUS that person had been with you for so long. This is what happened to me and my best friend. Few times of breakups and rebounds make us in such. HARD TO FORGET or for my side, NEVER. Yet until this moment I keep thinking about what he is up to, had he took his meals etc etc. Everything about him. Every single steps that I took, there will be him in my story. That is how much he means to me. 

Even now, I'm still trying to accept the fact that he is no one to me. At this moment, we are no one to each other but the way he treated me, still like someone to him. Me? I do care him like how we used to be. Even how many times that I act like I don't care, I still did. Why? Because he means the world to me. Not just me, the family too. Back to those days, he had done so much to help the family. That's why no matter how hard the situation will be between us, we still together. It's not just us, it's about the family too. For others, they will say that normal things, breakups and stuffs. But us, the way I take it is THAT different. For friends and peoples that been seen and with us for along the time we were together, they will know. They know how much love from both sides families had been given in this relationship. 

After all, both of us still in contact with each other and we still tell loves and misses. 12 years of growing up together, I can assure that NO ONE can tear us apart. That what it takes if both of us meant to another person in our life later. He/ she shall accept that we are best friends and that will never change forever. Both of our family is our family; if you get what I mean. Till death do us apart. The first word that we said when we vow our love and that will never ends forever. 


Dear Mr you know who you are, 

I'm sorry for not being the one that you want. I can't love you the way I love him and I can't assure anything in the relationship that you desire. When my heart are ready, I will definitely go for this. But at this moment, I'm deeply sorry because Love is something that no one of us can force it. It will naturally comes when the time come. Allah knows the best for us and if I meant for you, nothing can ever change it. As for now, let us be like this. 

Noryadzrein, and this is what my heart says.