Sunday, May 20, 2012

Forever Love

Dear Cinta, Love, Heart, Sayang, Eternity and Priority,

It had came to each of us and it had took place for quite sometime until me myself had made mistakes to this relationship. Where it begin and how it ends, all had become messed up and yet until this moment no one can ever think of that we will end in this way.

Still remember 17 June 2008? 11.32AM. After send one of our friend to LCCT? That is the day that you had come back to me and ask if you can sit in by my side and in my heart. The night before we went out together for dinner. Yes. All those memories that NEVER can be deleted. Every single piece of it, I still remember the day that you had promised to be by my side forever. Days went off, so do months and years that had we faced together. 

Either friends neither family, all had known each other very well as we always be here and there together. Never been separated to be exact. Eyes that looked towards us, gave us such look. Mouth that spoke about us, had talked so much about us. But Alhamdullilah we had went all of it throughout. Three years of relationship to us had brought us in such of stage. Lots of things happened and yes, so did ups and downs. Laughter often turns into tears and love can be hate too. That's what had happened between us. I am too blind too see and too cold to feel the warmth. Everything that you had done in our relationship is not comparable at all with what I had gave to you. You are far too kind and away too loyal in this really serious relationship and yes. I did not gave the same for quite a time. I had betrayed your trust and this love. Happened for few times and yes. I don't know why I still want to get back into your arms. It's not that I do not fell towards the other, I did. If I don't, I won't done it at the first place. Make sense right. Chances by chances gave by him and I still done the same mistakes. Until when I really feel that I can't live without him at all, I lost his love forever. He change from what he used to be and try to be with someone else either. Yet, I can't be with someone else and so do him.

He did have someone else in his life and I believe, he still trying to be with other either. In my shoes, I had tried and to be with others. What had happened in all total of 4 relationships in past few months? None of them stays. Either my very own mistake or theirs, no one knows. It just does not stay. I can't stay much about it either because at one point, I don't know what is happening around me. I just lost it. His side? I saw him in few relationships, not a serious one I think. But one of it don't stay also. Same case but different thoughts maybe.

Until at this moment, all that I can I think is get back into how we used to be last time. I missed all the moments that we shared together and laughter yet tears that had thought us. Three years and yet I still counting it every month and I still feel the way he love me like we used to be. Just by remembering the moments between us, I can smile the whole night and by just thinking about him and how much I missed him, it bring back my tears that I can't share it towards others. I love him and just him. It's not that I did not try to love others. But always happened by the end of the day, I will always turn back to this love. 

Unfortunately, between me and him are just best friend. That is how he want it to be for now. I can't ask for more in this relationship. Let Allah decide for us. InsyaAllah, with HIS will, we will be there for each other. Until now, let us be best friend and let us be behind each other whenever needed. To him, you are going to chase your dream soon. I will always pray for you, for us and for the entire family. Muhammad Hafiz, you have the special place and you will always be there for the rest of my life insyaAllah. 

Love much.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

End & Begin

A date to remember. 17 May 2012. Yes. This date. It was supposed to be a date to celebrate. But this is the date that the relationship end. After few days of not talking, which to be exact not even any contact, it end. What more can I say other than accepting what had happened between us and yet keep it as a memories. THE END of HS. :/

A new chapter of the New Rein shall begin soon. And yes. It starts today either. After few months of not talking to each other, we had became friends again. And yes. He is the man that I used to love, to cherish and the one that had become a better person. *I think*. Nothing more than thank you Allah. Alhamdullilah for the day that you had gave to me. I can't be more than this happy person on earth when he is back into my arms. Not as my Love my as my very good friend that never turn back to me. 

Alhamdullilah. After few months of torturing of heart, part of it had came back. Not for the sake of love that I'm looking at, but forgiveness that I'd seek for quite a time. Yes. He had talked to me and yet he already contact me for quite a few days. Happy for eternity. Nothing more than that. I love him and he had the very special place and yet my top priority after my family. I know that is too much but what else can I say? He is that important to me. 

Something for you Encik Muhammad Hafiz wahai pembaca blog orang yg setia,
Hari ni was my very very AMAZING day ever. Dah lama kita tak borak and hangout macam tu. Tak de apa yang lebih orang happy dari apa yang jadi harini. Awak sentiasa ada dengan orang even apa pun jadi and orang sangat2 harap awak still macam tu sampai bila2. Yang lain lain kita tunggu and lihat je la kan? For commitment yang masing2 tak tau mana beginning and end dia, kita tunggu and lihat je la ye. Awak pun dah nak pergi training tak lama lagi. Doa orang sentiasa dengan awak and orang harap awak dapat apa yang awk impikan selama nie. Kita mungkin tak kan back macam dulu tapi kita still kawan baik kan? Nothing more insyaAllah. Jodoh kita letak kat Allah. InsyaAllah, ada yang akan menanti nanti. Awak sentiasa my top priority and insyaAllah tak kan ada lelaki lain yang boleh amik special place awak tu. Sorry over pulak. Suka sangat arini. Tiba2 kan. HAHA. Then again, have a good life ahead untuk future later. Just do not EVER lupa kan orang. Stress orang nanti. HAHA. Me miss you. Hugs and kisses. 

Love much. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012



It's my second post for this time. Life. Clueless. But something is progressing. This happened when she did update her status about being patient and stay there. Happens that he commented around the same time that I did. And we keep continuing replying each other. And now I'm still msg-ing with him. ALHAMDULILLAH. That's how he expect me to update my blog and yes I am!! Alhamdulillah.. He is talking to me now. He is giving me advises that I can't think of. He is the one that is there for me. After all that happened between us, he is still there. Ya Allah, show me the best way in my life. I had went through all these after what I had done to him. 

Praying hard for a better life. Please be with me dear luck. I can't never ask for more from anyone. No more. 

Much love. 


Mine, Haris Syazwan. It's been weeks for us. Between me and you, I cant predict anything and I don't want to be one either. All I want at this moment is for you to appreciate me as the way I did now. If we are meant to be together but who can predict the future right? Things had happened and with the small mistake that I had done and yes. Until now at this moment you did not find me. If she is that important to you, why came into my life? Why giving me hopes when you can't be there? Nice one Haris. You had just make me fall down then again. Thank you so much. I should not be writing this as this is so not private as how you want it to be. But who should I spoke to. Who should I refer to when people around is having their good life? I can't just ran to them and tell everything about us. I just not such of person. 

To you Mr Muhammad Haris Syazwan, thanks for making me in such of way. You just did that. You make me cried for you. Things that I only can do it with ex last time. And you had make me did it again. End it with such of way? If you don't want me, don't make me feel like one. You can always be my friend. I just can't bare it when thinking this relationship will end when it's not even our FIRST month yet! But when it comes to feelings that can't be predicted, who am I to say too much about it. You can always said that you love me but you don't. You can always said that you care when you don't. Thank you so much Haris. Thanks for your time that you had spent and everything that had happened between us. I will wait until you said it, if you don't come back, I'll understand myself what this relationship had shown. 

Dear everyone, sorry because had been burden with my problems all around. For words that had said, actions that had been done, and advises that never been heard, I am so sorry. Then again, I FAILED. Magnificently. 

Noryadzrein, and here's what I had went through.

Monday, May 7, 2012


Its been awhile. But never been forgotten. All the decisions making had lead me into something that me myself can't figure it out. Sometimes, making decisions never been easy when you have to think about others feelings. I can't never satisfy everyone but more or less I will try my level best to be make them happy. By the end of the day, you will might need them either. So the best is not to think about yours before others. Most of the people told that, yours first then others. But I can't never do that as I scared that might hurt them the most. FAIRYTALE. 

See. All those wise talk, nice words never been easy to make it in this REAL world. Can you really give something or someone to others when you really love it? Most will get the NO instantly. So yeah, I had made mine and I know that decision at one day had made someone or some of the people around not that happy. But think, now or forever they want to be in lies? I can't lie to myself that I don't love you. Yes. I like you but I don't love you. It is better for me or you to say it wisely and that early so that neither one of us will get hurt by the end of the day. Kan? But for other part of people will say that, "why you accept when you want to reject?". See here. Me! I can't and don't know how to reject! Maybe sooner or later this kind of people will know by their own that I don't mean to hurt them. It's just I don't want the people that deserve to be happy end up with tears because of me. Alhamdulillah. As far as I concern, this peoples had found their happiness. My prayers is always with them for their happiness InsyaAllah. 

To those who found me not as good as what they expected, it is up to you how you want to judge me. You are not that good either if you keep continuing talking about me. Showing me such of double standard? Yes maybe as what I can see from my side. And you know what? Life is KARMA. Whatever happens later, do not ever turn back to whoever that you hate last time. But yeah. Up to you. I can never tell what will happen next. I can just pray for your happiness and hoping for a better life for you. But whatever shits that had happened toward us and my life, you have no right to tell me what to do. Advise is acceptable but please. I don't need you to decide what can and can't in my decision wise. And you had DONE it. It's fine. I still can accept all those. For now. And I really find it freaking ANNOYING when you act with my EX's and MY FRIENDS like nothing happened. Darn you. Yeahhh. You are THAT pretty and kind and etc etc. Good luck dearly Girlfriend. You NEVER been forgotten. Obviously SO NOT the good things because all the bad thoughts and attitude had went over the goods deeds that we had done together. Sorry. You are just too much. Go and take advantage to others as much as you want. Because that is you. SO YOU. 

Hey Rein, its LIFE right? Deal with it. Dealing now. And yet I am standing stronger because I know I did the right things for the sake of my own LIFE. I don't need others to tell me which is good or bad. After all, I am the one who is dealing with it. I know it sounds too much ego and such. But like what I said. Advise is acceptable but not DECIDE for me. I can take everyone's advise but not you yourself make one for me. Even my parents never done such to me. Whatever it is, I'm living my life peacefully now. Nice when you have time for your own and people around did not take advantage on you. Arrogant you Rein. Till then. Pray for me dearly friends. Before I forget something, friends which had known me THAT long NEVER did such as what she did.