Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pre & Post Birthday Celebration

Who the hell gave me this idea. I mean to wrote this Pre & Post. Sounds like a wedding post here. Might look like one. But hey, it's my birthday that I'm talking about. Lets see what else that I can wrote it about. 

PRE BIRTHDAY, which fall a day before the birthday date; 14 Oct. I went out with my dearly "lesbian" partner to find stuffs in Ikea. Went there and end up we hang out with other friends also. After some walkout and go round and round, end up I got my favourite cake! Sponge cheese cake! SO happy! Even it's not that expensive like what other people want, it is THAT nice OK. Special thanks to my ex colleague and her friend. Appreciate it so much! I really love it. Hugs. This was unexpected and so did they come over at the first place. 

POST BIRTHDAY! This is the amazing one so far. Me and best friend went for Grand Lexis PD. Like how we always did. Pleasuring ourselves after one great escapes to another. This time the Grand Lexis is our choice. Comes with private pool in every room, we did enjoyed it very much. Worth paying I should say. Everything in the hotel do satisfy our needs. Indeed, that is how she arranged such of sweet surprise belated birthday celebration in the room! 

This is how she planned it, after all done, she told me this. She asked me to jump in the pool and hang around while she asked weather to have any dessert send in the room since we are pleasuring ourselves. Then there goes my choice, Apple Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. Very tempting. So while she is on the phone at that time, I did not suspect anything. Seriously, I did came sit next to her and still taking pictures. Still, I did not expect anything. After we hang around the pool, swim, dance like crazy, took pictures etc etc. Comes the people knocked the door, she ran to the door and I ran the other side since I just because I am wearing something improper. Then she took quite a time at the door. After few minutes, tadaaa! My God. Such of sweet moments that I ever received in my whole life! Thanks Raja Puteri NurNisaa, you had done so much to me. Appreciate everything that you had done. Thank you so much. Me love you best friend. Forever.

Friends, and this is what they had gave to me in on my birthday months. Love much.

Friday, October 19, 2012


It's been awhile right people? Anyway, let's start and update the whole thing now now. Since I'm yet very happy. 

15 Oct 2012. 
The best date ever in this whole year and yet very very memorable to me. WHY is that? Lots of updates and HEY! It's my BIRTHDAY! I turned 23 years old and this is amazing. Feeling of being in this age? I don't know yet. CLUELESS maybe. HAHA.

The BEST birthday give, *let's see who had gave me such of wide smile on my birthday*

LOVE; MuhammadHafiz - This is what he had send to me. *even we are in the big fight right at this moment*

:- Epy besdy 2 u, epy besdy 2 u, epy besdy 2 my cinta epy besdy 2 u.. selamat ulng taun ke 23 syg.. hope besdy awk taun nie membwa seribu erti dlm hdup awk, org tau org byk uat awk mkn atu smpi awk jd gle.. org respect awk sbb awk usaha gak dpt kn org.. akhirnye org jd milik awk gak.. org hlng xnk lyn awk 4 bln tu bkn pe org sje nk tgk awk cm mne kalo org xde dlm hdup awk.. tp terbkti awk xbleh hdup tnpa org.. org sgt b'sykr lpas org uat istikarah minx ALLAH tnjk sape jodh org, awk yg de dlm mmp org.. insykALLAH kalo xde pape hlngan kte kawin syg.. hope awk xcm dlu ag, kalo xtau xpe tau siap la.. hrap org la p'tama wish bsdy awk.. sory org xpnah bg awk hadiah, yg org nk awk tau org syg awk lbh dr awk sygkn org, hope awk la org yg p'tama n awk gak org t'akhr dlm hdup org.. kte bina rmah tngga yg bhagia syg xnk ada antra kte uat hal.. love u syg miss u so much dear.. lpas bce kol org la jgn lpe tau syg.. SAYANG NORYADZREIN SANGAT2.

That is how much he wrote for me on my birthday. And of course, I cried! He is the only one that make me feel so special and yet the ONLY ONE that understand me most. No matter how hard the situation is, he always be there for me. Without asking why, he will just do it for me. He never ask for return, but the honesty that he ask is more than anyone can imagine. Yes for anyone else, maybe it sounds so simple. But for me, it's not. To maintain and pleased him the way he want it and yet in his way, it's obviously NOT THAT EASY. In this four years plus, I had break my leg the way it should be and trying to give the level best to be with him. Alhamdulillah, he is worth fighting and waiting for. Thanks sayang.. For being there for me. All the time. LOVE.

FRIENDS! ; Thank you for ALL the warm wishes that I received from anywhere and everyone that knows me. I LOVE EVERYONE of you. Up until today, I haven't reply them yet. I don't find the time yet. Sorry friends. Not that I don't appreciate you, just it will take sometimes for me to reply to all of you. Promised that I will reply. :)

: NURIESYA NADIA! <--- THIS WOMAN! We had went through though times for the past four months since June. The one that I had frustrated to. She is the special gift for me for this birthday. WHY? Friendship. Forgiveness. That is what she had gave to me. After all this while, and after what had happened, she wished me! We had become friends AGAIN. I was smiling widely in the morning on my birthday since she Whatsapp me before went off to office. That what she did and she even update her blog and dedicate it for me, 

" Dear si gemok pendek , happy belated birthday. May Allah bless u with joy and happiness. Semoga masih boleh tinggi even rasenya peluang amat sangatlah tipis. Kahkahkah. Semoga awak happy dengan orang yang tersayang especially dengan ibu ayah dan Apot gendut. Miahahaha. Hope lepas ni no more fighting. Penat mak jemah nak gado dengan awak , tak challenging langsung !! Semoga cepat cepat kawen and dapat baby. Minta minta tak pendek cam awak. :P Last but not least , ni je birthday pressie yang kite mampu bagi. A new chapter insyaAllah. Daaaa~ Sambung skype jom. Byeeee !!~ "


After all, we did not asked each other what had happened before this and yet each of us know that who is making up stories and who is not. I do not want to know about what had happened. Anything happened for reasons and I shall thank her for everything. Even how bad the situation before this, she been there with me and InsyaAllah everything shall remain the way it supposed to be. Thanks babe for being there. I can't give like how you had showed me but I will try my best not to ruined this for second time. Whatever happens after this, we shall talk to each other before blaming. Note to myself too. I can't finished thank you but no other words than THANK YOU.

: FAZLI, AZLINA, FATIN & MIRA = Surprise birthday cake in Nasi Kandar Berkat Ariffin during lunch. This great buddies had gave me such of memorable birthday as they bought me cake! During lunch and at Mamak. How sweet is that? Even a slice of cake and very simple so called celebration, I do feel touched. They are the peoples that being with me through ups and downs. They always be there for each other in need. Thanks for the lovely cake everyone. These people never turned back wherever or whatever we had gone through. I do LOVE ALL OF YOU VERY MUCH. Hope this will never ends. 

Born in 15 Oct 1989 and this is my 23 years old birthday story! :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012


Hopefully at this time everyone does not get tired from my unending story about us. Alhamdulillah, as for now, we are happy with each other. No other person had tear us apart and as for now, we are that happy. 

Both of us had a good time whenever we talked, laughed to each other, make silly conversations become so interesting. After all, yes, I am happy as for now. Whichever sadness that had happened between us, I shall forget and try to make this relationship at this time; grows better and stays forever. InsyaAllah.

Dear Muhammad Hafiz, PLEASE let this happen forever. Nothing else that I ever want. Me and just me until Allah end the relationship between us. Allah had put the faith for us to let this relationship grows and I really hope this will be forever. 

Muhammad Hafiz and Noryadzrein; THIS IS US

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Hello everyone! As I browse through YouTube, watched some of the videos around and I end up with this song. Quite old one but the lyrics shown how much this woman missed the guy and this is what I feel. I miss my CINTA so much. He is that far and we did not contact that much like how we used to. I MISS HIM! Ya Allah, please let this love grows and never die in each other heart. Let's enjoy the lyric. 

Tergoda aku 'tuk berfikir 
Dia yang tercinta 
Mengapa t'lah lama tak nampak 
Dirimu disini 
Jangankan ingin ku tersenyum 
Tak ada gairah 
Kuingin s'lalu bersamamu 

Kini ku resah... 
Diriku lemah tanpamu 

Gapai semua jemariku 
Rangkul aku dalam bahagiamu 
Kuingin bersama berdua selamanya 
Jika kubuka mata ini 
Kuingin s'lalu ada dirimu 
Dalam kelemahan hati ini 
Bersamamu... Aku tegar... 

Aku tegar

Song : Tegar; Singer : Rossa

Right at this moment all I can think about is having him for my entire life. Please pray the best for us dear friends. Cinta, you had thought me so much until I can't live without you beside me. May Allah hear us and grant the wish. InsyaAllah. 

17062008 and this is my unending LOVE story. MuhammadHafiz. 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Life Essay

Well hello everyone! 

Greetings from the office PC! :D

It's been awhile since the last post right? *like I do have any readers* HAHA. Lots of thing happened in my entire life. Where shall I begin? Too much to talk about as this had changed my life and my thought and also my entire mood! Sounds so happy? YES I AM! On your mart, get set.. GO!

Myself ; I had went through one major operation in my entire life. I had never been in one before this. After all, it is just minor operation in the hospital. Of course! It takes less than one hour to be inside the Operation Theatre and more than 2 months to be fully recovered! Sigh. The one that I talked about is Tonsil Operation. This freaking thing had live in my throat since God knows when. When tonsil food dietary is not followed, that is what happen, it's getting bigger and that's one of the reason why I still keep having high temperature fever. When it is more than few times in one month, doctor in the clinic had suggest me to refer to the hospital. Yeah! On the 15th Ramadhan, I had been admitted and on the 06 August, I had gone through the freaking operation. Took less than one hour and once I open my eyes, it had been removed! Sigh. Painful like hell. Like I know how the hell feels like. Lots of things I had faced during 6 days in the hospital. Whereby both of my parents, both of my bestfriends and also the peoples that do have the affect in my life. I can't never finish thank to all of you that take good care of me during that time. It do showed how much I can count on someone and everyone. It is not I'm comparing on that only but somehow, that is where you can see it right? So sorry if others do feel like it's inappropriate. Then there's go my healing process. One month of MC. Sounds so good right? But, that is the time where I do think about work. How much it is important to me and life, that is the time I'm seeing it. So called MUHASABAH DIRI. Well, I always take some of work given for granted. Playful and do not care. But, one month of being at home, it do make me feel the other way of it. Not as easy as how anyone want it to be. The trust that people had put on us and anyhow, you have to portray it the way it should be. That's what I learned. After come back, here I am in the company, trying to better. Pray for me dear friends!

Love ; READ THIS PROPERLY! PLEASE. My dearly Muhammad Hafiz, MINE!! Then again, Allah had a better way to make us realize that how much we need each other in this life. Alhamdulillah! I can't never be happier than what had happened between us. Up until this moment, we are like how we used to. Loving each other again. Care, warmth feelings of the love been felt again. All these that we shared, used to be memories and yet now we are in love again. Love words, missing each other *because he is that far*; even get back to the dreams that we want to end this life together. All those had become the dream again. Not the dream that had left broken without fulfilling it. Praying hard for these not to be only words left without unspoken, whoever is reading this, please send your prayers for us. I'll shall appreciate and thank you my whole life. Maybe for some of you this will be too much drama or attentions that I need but from what I had been through with him, yes. I do need everyone prayers to be with me. The other day, he admitted that he could not love other person like how he love me. Ya Allah, nothing is even more worth it that having him saying all those right in my ears through phone and back together with him. After all searching for someone that really I need in this life, I found out that he is the only one and hoping this is the same for him. Forever is my promise till death do us apart. InsyaAllah, NO ONE ELSE other than you CINTA. I shall cherish this forever for my life. 

Lots of things happened towards me and life in these few moths includes the UNEXPECTED proposal that I had from one of the client recently during Aidilfitri. Not so much that I wanted to talk to because I had been trying to forget it too. Not important AT ALL because this person will never EVER have the place in my life. Someone that want to make me the forth wife for the sake of he love me without even knowing me? That's bullshit. Sorry for the words but true. No one fall in love without knowing each other right. Sucks. OK let's end this because it annoys me much. LOL.

There you go. Tired reading this and that? Well, that's what happen when you had been keeping it in drafts after few weeks! Thanks for reading! Have a good day even your mood is swinging. HAHA. 

Daughter of MR Johari bin Yahya and yes, she fall in LOVE yet still ayah's stubborn daughter! 

Thursday, August 16, 2012


Seventeenth, the number that I shall remember the most. This is the date where everything begins between me and him. This date always bring me back to the memories that we shared and we sailed with each other for the past few years. Which to be exact it had been 4 years and 2 months today. Coincidence, he called around midnight as what he always did. But the date had been reminded each of us to just recalled back all the memories. To remember each and everything sweet and loveable moments that we had, so much that I would not and I hope I will not forget every single thing. But the sad things, the mistakes that I had done overwhelmed the love that we shared and cherish together. The wrong steps that I had took had put this relationship to the wall and cracked. Like glass slammed on the wall. 

What else can I say about this relationship? Never end? He did put the full stop the other day. But I did told him that he can never be replaced. He still contacted me like usual, we still talked like how we used to. I can't lie to myself that I still can't get rid of him. He is that special to me and I don't want that to end. By reminding myself that we are not together like last time, it bring my tears. My sadness that I can't hold him in my arms, I can't be in his arms either. The warm hugs that I always had last time, to cry on his shoulder and to sit beside him again, that is all that I can dream of. To make it happen, I can't tell, because Allah have a better plan for each and everyone of us in the future. InsyaAllah, when that happen I shall praising to Him after all these happened, I had learned to be a better person. Mistakes that had been done, I can never change, but I shall learn. 

To love and mr you know who you are, both of you did had the place in my life. 

For you Mr you know who you are, as for our future, I shall leave it to Allah. I can never tell more than that. My heart is to the love but if Allah wrote something else, please forgive me. I cannot give more than I have in this life. I appreciate on what you had done in the couple months but I'm sorry, I don't think that we can make it that far. I'm deeply sorry. 

Seventeenth, you had thought me so much that I can remember and I shall leave this to faith. 

Rein, and this is my seventeenth story. Love much.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

This Love

Hey all. By reading what I had been writing for the past few months, I think all had been WELL informed about this HIM. The love of my life and the only one that I want. BUT *see*, we had been talking about this to each other and had clarified with all these since I have to know what is happening around me now. After all, this is my life. My future that we are talking about. Thus, when he called the other day, and since that is quite long conversation between us, I decided to ask him. Yes, end up he told me that between us are JUST FRIENDS. Nothing more than that. He is part of my family and so do I. That is all that he said and obviously what he wanted. 

Thus, this so called waiting Love Story had come to the end. After 4 years and 1 months, the up's down's and all those laughter neither tears all had end. As what he wanted and what I had asked him, there we go. Separated to each other and on our own ways of living. CERITA KAMI TAMAT. *really?* Still can't believe that all this had come to the end. So much of our memories with each other. How can I just let go all those? Ya Allah, help me to be in a better place and with someone that really deserve me. It is never been easy no matter how and what. 

First love and true love are two different things. Which way you understand it, your heart and what you had went through is the best teacher. So, no one can tell how long will it take to forget one person; PLUS that person had been with you for so long. This is what happened to me and my best friend. Few times of breakups and rebounds make us in such. HARD TO FORGET or for my side, NEVER. Yet until this moment I keep thinking about what he is up to, had he took his meals etc etc. Everything about him. Every single steps that I took, there will be him in my story. That is how much he means to me. 

Even now, I'm still trying to accept the fact that he is no one to me. At this moment, we are no one to each other but the way he treated me, still like someone to him. Me? I do care him like how we used to be. Even how many times that I act like I don't care, I still did. Why? Because he means the world to me. Not just me, the family too. Back to those days, he had done so much to help the family. That's why no matter how hard the situation will be between us, we still together. It's not just us, it's about the family too. For others, they will say that normal things, breakups and stuffs. But us, the way I take it is THAT different. For friends and peoples that been seen and with us for along the time we were together, they will know. They know how much love from both sides families had been given in this relationship. 

After all, both of us still in contact with each other and we still tell loves and misses. 12 years of growing up together, I can assure that NO ONE can tear us apart. That what it takes if both of us meant to another person in our life later. He/ she shall accept that we are best friends and that will never change forever. Both of our family is our family; if you get what I mean. Till death do us apart. The first word that we said when we vow our love and that will never ends forever. 

Dear Mr you know who you are, 

I'm sorry for not being the one that you want. I can't love you the way I love him and I can't assure anything in the relationship that you desire. When my heart are ready, I will definitely go for this. But at this moment, I'm deeply sorry because Love is something that no one of us can force it. It will naturally comes when the time come. Allah knows the best for us and if I meant for you, nothing can ever change it. As for now, let us be like this. 

Noryadzrein, and this is what my heart says.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Me me me

Hey its been awhile after the last post. And yeay! Here I am still typing out and trying to update the whole thing about it. Where and how to start after all these and that happened? OK let start!

1) HIM. He came and went off. Hey, in a good way ok? He went off for FREAKING six months for the Police training. Blergh. We don't even say bye bye to each other. I was in Singapore when the day he off for the training. BUT! What happened is he still contact me whenever he is free. I supposed. I don't know who else that he called but still. He remembered me! HAHA. So far, me and him just fine. I did found out who is he calling around for the last month and yet until now. Don't ask where and how I found out. I just knew and I have TRUSTED sources that I depends on. Still. Nothing much between us and the stories. He is that far. Hoping much on HIM? Yes, maybe. I don't know what to think and how long I can wait for this to be happen. I mean the HAPPY and LOVE moments. Who knows. Maybe it won't come at all. I just can go with the flow. Missing him so much, YES I AM. But I know he is not. HAHA. 

Crossing fingers every single day for him to call me as he is the only person can bring my real smile other than family and close friends around. For those who told me that I am that desperate, it is so much to be shown rather than you ask me, WHY? PROMISES ARE TO BE HOLD. That is what keeps me going with this never end LOVE story. 90% of them will tell me that he is playing around with me. I don't have any answer neither do arguments because sometimes I did thought about it too. I just don't have any fixed answer WHY I keep waiting and hoping for this fat man. Blergh. Explanation is so needed from him for me to stop all this. Even it's good or bad, I have to have the answer to move on. I'm standing still because he asked me to. But he don't show like one for me either. 

Dear Everyone, Please help me get the answers IF you can! 

2) Hey MR! That is you! I can't never end up with NEW guys around is it? I did not asked these people to come around. Speaking like I am that famous yet pretty is it? I AM NOT. Anyone that reading this and know me, I know you are swearing me at this moment. Yet, me myself don't really know why this type of people named men came into my life when I don't have one. ALHAMDULILLAH. I still have my friends and closed friends around. Back to this MR story. He came and asked if he can help me to forget the other man. As a friend and yet my junior to be exact, I just said OK because nothing more than friend. It is always start as a friend and see what happened after few weeks. Something else happened. I like him and so did him. We had started to be with each other for now. No official DATES for us and that makes me and him in such of way. We just get to know each other. It's been a month plus for both of us. He did make me happy in his own way. But at the same time he still searching where is his place in my heart. Still could not find one. True, because I don't know either where he stand in my life. He is sweet, family man and never turned back towards me. Still, I can't give any words that saying that he could take EX place and replace with him. Too hard to be as easy as anyone would say it. 

WHY? This is all because I'm yet to know what my CINTA would do for us after his training. That words he said to me make me attached and hold on to it. I know this sounds so desperate but nothing wrong by waiting right? Not really believing but seeing him told me, I literally believed in what he promised. In the other hand, *sounds so essay*,, I had accidentally get "attached" by this MR. He promised the earth to me, if you know what I mean. Even this is UNOFFICIAL relationship, we had went out together and doing things together. He did want to make me the special one even I do look like one now, but by I keep refusing for all of the times. I know he get what I mean. I just don't and cannot be one. Every single steps that I had made nowadays are all related to CINTA. Only HIM. People might called me too much and yes, I admit. But can anyone just understand me for this time and let me think and do what I love to now? If he do come back, I will definitely share it with the whole world. But if he don't, I will always pray for his happiness. My true love I suppose that had made me in such. 

Right at this moment all that I can think of is to be with him by the end of the day. But what if he don't want me at all in his future life? That will be the most scariest thing that will ever happen. Worst if he say it in front of me by himself. Darn. See. I cannot ever think of what will happen next in my life. *OBVIOUSLY*. But I can't even plan it either. I can't make my very own decisions. After all this while, this is my BIGGEST WEAKNESS. Decision making in my own life is not me. I'd rather follow others or make it the simplest way that I can. That's why I can't reject anyone that came into my life. I love to see others happy before me. I don't want to hurt anybody feeling. It's just me. That's why most of the time by the end of the day I will get hurt and I will cry. I get used to people backstabbing one another. I happened to me and I had learned so much about it. Yet, I still did not change because I scared will hurt people that I love later.

Too much of this and that is it? HAHA. I'm writing because this is what I feel and I did not want this to end. Where else can I wrote this down other than diary and here? Bet if this just handwriting, I would not write this much! Don't even bare to read it because it is not that interesting. *Yet still telling*. 

Conclusion, *should I?* I will rather stop and move on or wait till the day comes? Allah knows better. Anyway, something did happened yesterday and that shall answers all. 

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Forever Love

Dear Cinta, Love, Heart, Sayang, Eternity and Priority,

It had came to each of us and it had took place for quite sometime until me myself had made mistakes to this relationship. Where it begin and how it ends, all had become messed up and yet until this moment no one can ever think of that we will end in this way.

Still remember 17 June 2008? 11.32AM. After send one of our friend to LCCT? That is the day that you had come back to me and ask if you can sit in by my side and in my heart. The night before we went out together for dinner. Yes. All those memories that NEVER can be deleted. Every single piece of it, I still remember the day that you had promised to be by my side forever. Days went off, so do months and years that had we faced together. 

Either friends neither family, all had known each other very well as we always be here and there together. Never been separated to be exact. Eyes that looked towards us, gave us such look. Mouth that spoke about us, had talked so much about us. But Alhamdullilah we had went all of it throughout. Three years of relationship to us had brought us in such of stage. Lots of things happened and yes, so did ups and downs. Laughter often turns into tears and love can be hate too. That's what had happened between us. I am too blind too see and too cold to feel the warmth. Everything that you had done in our relationship is not comparable at all with what I had gave to you. You are far too kind and away too loyal in this really serious relationship and yes. I did not gave the same for quite a time. I had betrayed your trust and this love. Happened for few times and yes. I don't know why I still want to get back into your arms. It's not that I do not fell towards the other, I did. If I don't, I won't done it at the first place. Make sense right. Chances by chances gave by him and I still done the same mistakes. Until when I really feel that I can't live without him at all, I lost his love forever. He change from what he used to be and try to be with someone else either. Yet, I can't be with someone else and so do him.

He did have someone else in his life and I believe, he still trying to be with other either. In my shoes, I had tried and to be with others. What had happened in all total of 4 relationships in past few months? None of them stays. Either my very own mistake or theirs, no one knows. It just does not stay. I can't stay much about it either because at one point, I don't know what is happening around me. I just lost it. His side? I saw him in few relationships, not a serious one I think. But one of it don't stay also. Same case but different thoughts maybe.

Until at this moment, all that I can I think is get back into how we used to be last time. I missed all the moments that we shared together and laughter yet tears that had thought us. Three years and yet I still counting it every month and I still feel the way he love me like we used to be. Just by remembering the moments between us, I can smile the whole night and by just thinking about him and how much I missed him, it bring back my tears that I can't share it towards others. I love him and just him. It's not that I did not try to love others. But always happened by the end of the day, I will always turn back to this love. 

Unfortunately, between me and him are just best friend. That is how he want it to be for now. I can't ask for more in this relationship. Let Allah decide for us. InsyaAllah, with HIS will, we will be there for each other. Until now, let us be best friend and let us be behind each other whenever needed. To him, you are going to chase your dream soon. I will always pray for you, for us and for the entire family. Muhammad Hafiz, you have the special place and you will always be there for the rest of my life insyaAllah. 

Love much.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

End & Begin

A date to remember. 17 May 2012. Yes. This date. It was supposed to be a date to celebrate. But this is the date that the relationship end. After few days of not talking, which to be exact not even any contact, it end. What more can I say other than accepting what had happened between us and yet keep it as a memories. THE END of HS. :/

A new chapter of the New Rein shall begin soon. And yes. It starts today either. After few months of not talking to each other, we had became friends again. And yes. He is the man that I used to love, to cherish and the one that had become a better person. *I think*. Nothing more than thank you Allah. Alhamdullilah for the day that you had gave to me. I can't be more than this happy person on earth when he is back into my arms. Not as my Love my as my very good friend that never turn back to me. 

Alhamdullilah. After few months of torturing of heart, part of it had came back. Not for the sake of love that I'm looking at, but forgiveness that I'd seek for quite a time. Yes. He had talked to me and yet he already contact me for quite a few days. Happy for eternity. Nothing more than that. I love him and he had the very special place and yet my top priority after my family. I know that is too much but what else can I say? He is that important to me. 

Something for you Encik Muhammad Hafiz wahai pembaca blog orang yg setia,
Hari ni was my very very AMAZING day ever. Dah lama kita tak borak and hangout macam tu. Tak de apa yang lebih orang happy dari apa yang jadi harini. Awak sentiasa ada dengan orang even apa pun jadi and orang sangat2 harap awak still macam tu sampai bila2. Yang lain lain kita tunggu and lihat je la kan? For commitment yang masing2 tak tau mana beginning and end dia, kita tunggu and lihat je la ye. Awak pun dah nak pergi training tak lama lagi. Doa orang sentiasa dengan awak and orang harap awak dapat apa yang awk impikan selama nie. Kita mungkin tak kan back macam dulu tapi kita still kawan baik kan? Nothing more insyaAllah. Jodoh kita letak kat Allah. InsyaAllah, ada yang akan menanti nanti. Awak sentiasa my top priority and insyaAllah tak kan ada lelaki lain yang boleh amik special place awak tu. Sorry over pulak. Suka sangat arini. Tiba2 kan. HAHA. Then again, have a good life ahead untuk future later. Just do not EVER lupa kan orang. Stress orang nanti. HAHA. Me miss you. Hugs and kisses. 

Love much. 

Saturday, May 12, 2012



It's my second post for this time. Life. Clueless. But something is progressing. This happened when she did update her status about being patient and stay there. Happens that he commented around the same time that I did. And we keep continuing replying each other. And now I'm still msg-ing with him. ALHAMDULILLAH. That's how he expect me to update my blog and yes I am!! Alhamdulillah.. He is talking to me now. He is giving me advises that I can't think of. He is the one that is there for me. After all that happened between us, he is still there. Ya Allah, show me the best way in my life. I had went through all these after what I had done to him. 

Praying hard for a better life. Please be with me dear luck. I can't never ask for more from anyone. No more. 

Much love. 


Mine, Haris Syazwan. It's been weeks for us. Between me and you, I cant predict anything and I don't want to be one either. All I want at this moment is for you to appreciate me as the way I did now. If we are meant to be together but who can predict the future right? Things had happened and with the small mistake that I had done and yes. Until now at this moment you did not find me. If she is that important to you, why came into my life? Why giving me hopes when you can't be there? Nice one Haris. You had just make me fall down then again. Thank you so much. I should not be writing this as this is so not private as how you want it to be. But who should I spoke to. Who should I refer to when people around is having their good life? I can't just ran to them and tell everything about us. I just not such of person. 

To you Mr Muhammad Haris Syazwan, thanks for making me in such of way. You just did that. You make me cried for you. Things that I only can do it with ex last time. And you had make me did it again. End it with such of way? If you don't want me, don't make me feel like one. You can always be my friend. I just can't bare it when thinking this relationship will end when it's not even our FIRST month yet! But when it comes to feelings that can't be predicted, who am I to say too much about it. You can always said that you love me but you don't. You can always said that you care when you don't. Thank you so much Haris. Thanks for your time that you had spent and everything that had happened between us. I will wait until you said it, if you don't come back, I'll understand myself what this relationship had shown. 

Dear everyone, sorry because had been burden with my problems all around. For words that had said, actions that had been done, and advises that never been heard, I am so sorry. Then again, I FAILED. Magnificently. 

Noryadzrein, and here's what I had went through.

Monday, May 7, 2012


Its been awhile. But never been forgotten. All the decisions making had lead me into something that me myself can't figure it out. Sometimes, making decisions never been easy when you have to think about others feelings. I can't never satisfy everyone but more or less I will try my level best to be make them happy. By the end of the day, you will might need them either. So the best is not to think about yours before others. Most of the people told that, yours first then others. But I can't never do that as I scared that might hurt them the most. FAIRYTALE. 

See. All those wise talk, nice words never been easy to make it in this REAL world. Can you really give something or someone to others when you really love it? Most will get the NO instantly. So yeah, I had made mine and I know that decision at one day had made someone or some of the people around not that happy. But think, now or forever they want to be in lies? I can't lie to myself that I don't love you. Yes. I like you but I don't love you. It is better for me or you to say it wisely and that early so that neither one of us will get hurt by the end of the day. Kan? But for other part of people will say that, "why you accept when you want to reject?". See here. Me! I can't and don't know how to reject! Maybe sooner or later this kind of people will know by their own that I don't mean to hurt them. It's just I don't want the people that deserve to be happy end up with tears because of me. Alhamdulillah. As far as I concern, this peoples had found their happiness. My prayers is always with them for their happiness InsyaAllah. 

To those who found me not as good as what they expected, it is up to you how you want to judge me. You are not that good either if you keep continuing talking about me. Showing me such of double standard? Yes maybe as what I can see from my side. And you know what? Life is KARMA. Whatever happens later, do not ever turn back to whoever that you hate last time. But yeah. Up to you. I can never tell what will happen next. I can just pray for your happiness and hoping for a better life for you. But whatever shits that had happened toward us and my life, you have no right to tell me what to do. Advise is acceptable but please. I don't need you to decide what can and can't in my decision wise. And you had DONE it. It's fine. I still can accept all those. For now. And I really find it freaking ANNOYING when you act with my EX's and MY FRIENDS like nothing happened. Darn you. Yeahhh. You are THAT pretty and kind and etc etc. Good luck dearly Girlfriend. You NEVER been forgotten. Obviously SO NOT the good things because all the bad thoughts and attitude had went over the goods deeds that we had done together. Sorry. You are just too much. Go and take advantage to others as much as you want. Because that is you. SO YOU. 

Hey Rein, its LIFE right? Deal with it. Dealing now. And yet I am standing stronger because I know I did the right things for the sake of my own LIFE. I don't need others to tell me which is good or bad. After all, I am the one who is dealing with it. I know it sounds too much ego and such. But like what I said. Advise is acceptable but not DECIDE for me. I can take everyone's advise but not you yourself make one for me. Even my parents never done such to me. Whatever it is, I'm living my life peacefully now. Nice when you have time for your own and people around did not take advantage on you. Arrogant you Rein. Till then. Pray for me dearly friends. Before I forget something, friends which had known me THAT long NEVER did such as what she did. 


Friday, April 20, 2012

Hanya Ingin Kau Tahu

Hey yellow everyone! :D

Setelah TER-meroyan utk beberapa ketika, here I am. Back again in this blog. Utk apa? to tell stories la of course! haha. I don't want to tell in details pun. Buat apa. Blog is something that u can share moments of your life. *thanks Ai Vern for this* :)

Me love him. very much. everyone knows about it kan? but yeah, dia tanak kat aku balik pun. And hell yeah. masa kenduri abg dia aritu aku ber-drama kat kenduri tu. mentang2 dia kacak as a pengapit, kemain kau lg kan rein. hahah. btw, tanak tell in details. hahah. the most important thing is that aku mmg ratu air mata, melalak la cite dia. kan kan. he have that place in my heart but i don't have it anymore in His. so, mari tabahkan hati and try to forget. even it is very and super hard, TRY. aku masih mencari cara sampai la 15 April 2012. Brainwashed by his sister and akak2 ipar dia jugak. Tahniah la cite dia masa tu. Sakit jiwa je mcm. Yes. Ego dia mmg penuh tebal gila punya. So utk tidak men-dragged sume mende, i tried to forget him.

There come HARIS SYAZWAN a.k.a PakPandir yg suka maki hamun. He is a good friend. Dia selalu ada dgn aku masa aku tgh meroyan pasal ex. Dia ada masa aku tgh menggila. Haha. pak pandir, kau mmg gila. haha. We meet up malam tu and makan McD. bahaha. and yes. ktorg mmg end up memaki hamun masing2 masa keluar. ntah ape2. :D

Lepas dari malam tu, we feel like something else is going on. and yes. aku TER-cabar dia. perempuan meroyan nie. hahaha. "aku akan pastikan kau lupa kat ex kau" "TRY ME, aku cabar kau" "aku pantang dicabar" "sila kan". YES. hebat tak dialog ktorg? lantak. and yes. dia kata, "aku akan buktikan". Utk lelaki yg bernama Haris nie amek hati aku? Senang ckp. hard to take it as how he want it to be. Tu yg pasti. By telling this rasanya dah explain kan ape jd lepasnya? What else? Aku TRY la cite dia. Dia sgt baik. Sgt sweet. Sgt caring. *tak tau la this will last for how long*

Haris, aku dah bgtau kat kau yg bukan senang utk aku lupa ex. Aku tau ngn kau gamble je ape nak jadi. But aku tau satu hari nanti takut sakit hati. Bukan mendoakan. But told you before kan? Bukan senang Haris utk aku bukak balik hati aku & sayang org lain. But aku janji akan cuba yg terbaik. Maybe ada yg mengata pasal ayat2 nie sebab aku pernah cakap kat someone else. But aku tau semua jadi bersebab. And aku bersalah. Aku cabar kau utk buat aku lupa ex and yes. Buat masa nie slow2 aku tgh adapt dgn life kau and still merangkak utk sayang kau. Aku suka kau. But sayang, slow2 la ye. InysaAllah kalau jodoh kita panjang.. Aku akan sayang kau sampai bila2. Sweet tak? haha. Ok then officially. and yet THEN AGAIN.. 17th April 2012, aku dgn Haris. Haris Syazwan. Pak Pandir yg suka maki org. haha. Buat ilek. Kau yg paling cool buat masa nie. haha. 

But I had realized something. Statement yang mcm kelakar. Ok gelak dulu. Ex-ex sekalian, kenapa la couple dgn aku kena nama lebih kurang sama nie? uishh. Please find below. ok yg ini maybe akan mensentapkan. but just for reference. 

Muhammad Hazman - 07Feb03
Muhammad Hafiz - 17June08
Hadzir Sulaiman - 17Feb12
Haris Syazwan - 17April12

Kenapa mesti H and Z and 17 tu kena ade? Ape xde date lain? =.=

Sekadar coretan. Sekian. 

Monday, April 2, 2012


Selamat Datang April 2012. :)

Apekah yg nak dibebelkan? Not so much other than cite desperate aku. hehe. Btw, 01st April 2012 had started tiring and yet fun. Kenapakah? Sebab that day had brought my smile. NO. Dia tak pandang aku pun lagi. Apetah lagi get back together. Harapan nusa dan bangsa.

So, kenduri tahlil dekat rumah makcik dia. Yes, I had been invited to his MakNgah's house. Parents dia ajak. Familia dia pun ajak. So aku pegi je la. Nak di jadi kan cite, dia tatau pun aku pegi. *agaknye la* sbb masa dia nampak aku kat sana, he is one of the kind punya buat muka. Heh. Segala xtvt haritu mcm biasa la. Orang kenduri. What do you expect? Lepas kenduri, sesi birthday pulak. Pak Su's.. Sebab kembar. So mcm comel je sambut birthday together2. hehe. Abes kek, kita makan!! And hell yeah. Aku suka tgk dia. RINDU la. Mcm biasa la dia. Buat tatau. Buat ta nampak. Ok, itu sakit. Tapi at least aku boleh tgk muka dia. Aku tau dia sihat. Dia kurus. Dia hensem. Ok over. I missed him la!! :(

Ok post nie dah 5 kali edit atas sebab2 berkaitan. *Post ikot hati kang org kata melampau* Sikit2 dah la. Nie pun dah nampak desperate sgt nie. Tapi nak jugak post sbb tatau nk curah mana dah. Tulis diary pun dh penat. Sorry semua.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


What else yg boleh aku ckp psl CINTA nie?

Semua pun serba tak kena nak cite. Why we have to fall in love when we can't give so much to it? Question. KENAPA?

Bila aku dah stop dgn dia and dia and dia jugak. I realized that I can't love anyone else other than you. Aku sedar yg aku xboleh live my life without you. Sounds so desperate. Tapi ape yg org lain nampak and rasa dgn ape yg aku dah lalui selama nie.

YES. dia mmg SGT ego. SGT kasar. SGT control. SGT pemarah *nie aku suka lawan*. SGT ikot otak dia je. SGT emo and yet SGT SGT SGT tatau malu *sume pun aku lawan rasanya*. AND hell yeah. dia jugak yg aku carik sekarang nie. DARI dulu sampai sekarang. To everyone of you, yes! selama nie aku buta, tak nampak and tak hargai macam mana dia hargai aku. FYI, dia tak pernah buat macam mana aku buat kat dia pun. Aku yg bodoh and tak pernah cukup dgn ape yg aku ada. Yes, dia memang sgt kasar and that's the only reason kenapa aku buat hal dulu. Ngaku sekarang nie aku yg buat dia. Bkn dia. Ape salah dia, biar lah aku je yg tau. Tapi mmg aku yg salah la selama relationship nie on going for 3 years plus. *kalau ikut kan dah nak masuk 4 years tahun nie*. Bukan sekali aku buat hal. 5 KALI! Bodoh kan?

See. Padan muka kau Rein. Now lepas couple buat akhir kalinya on birthday aku 15oct11, dia and aku macam xde problem lansung. Aku dah insaf la cite dia and dah keluar pun dari mulut dia utk proceed relationship kiteorg to the next level. BUT, end up dia kata dah TAK SAYANG. Feelings went off when he is searching for the right path. Elok la. Aku pulak EGO kata yes. Pujuk pun lepas2 tu. And aku terus cuba utk hidup tanpa dia. And sekarang? YES. I NEED HIM. Aku tak boleh tipu sape2 yg around aku yg aku boleh sayang & cinta dorg the way they want it. Aku just tak boleh. IDK. Maybe aku sendiri yg carik pasal and aku yg dapat bahana dia sekarang. Aku buat la ape pun. Try la macam mana pun. I just can't live without HIM.

To HIM, aku nie bkn sape2 utk dia anymore. But for me, he is SOMEONE. Bukan senang utk sayang and cinta kan someone else in such of way. Tapi, dia dah xpercaya. Buat la ape pun utk dapatkan cinta dia balik. End up with NOTHING. Sebab for HIM aku hanye perempuan yg selalu menipu and as per him, "lembut gigi dari lidah". YES. Admit. Tapi tu dulu. Rein yg sekarang bukan lagi mcm tu. Aku nak dia. Hanya dia. Ntah la. Apa yg jadi sekarang betul2 balasan utk ape yg aku dah buat kat dia dulu. Congrats rein. Padan muka hang.

Dear Muhammad Hafiz, there is nothing that I can ask from you anymore. Org tau org bukan sape2 bg awak. And awak seboleh2 tanak org kacau hidup awak lg kan? But please know one thing, org xbleh hidup tanpa awak. And bukan harapan palsu dah yg ade dalam life nie awak. Dalam hati nie just awak. No one else can take your place easily. Org tau dosa org buat awk dulu terlalu byk sampai awk jd mcm nie kan? Awak dah cerita kat someone and everyone yg org buat salah kan? Ye org ngaku suma tu. Even kalau awk nak org admit kat family awak pun boleh. Tapi org tanak awak buang org camtu je sebab for me awak je yg boleh hidup ngn org. Bkn org lain. That's it. Org just nak awak and nothing more than those. Harap sgt awak maafkan org. Terima balik org and kita jd mcm FIRST time kita dulu. Everything seems so fine. Bukan mcm sekarang. I love you Muhammad Hafiz. No one can replace u. NO ONE. :/

***tau je post nie akan buat org yg membaca sakit hati or menyampah. but please. don't like it, please leave. and yes. aku tatau nak cite kat sape.

Thursday, February 16, 2012


hebat gila bila lama nak mati tak update blog. WHATSSSS UPPP. hahaha.

life. its ruining. what else can i say? dh mmg ruin. sigh. up's and down's buat jadi DOWN memanjang. life kan. what else can i say. oh yeah. 4 years of relationship pun boleh RUIN jugak. hebat x? haha. what to do? things happened. just accept the way it is la kan? boleh sape2 ubah what happened? so yeah.

work wise. IDK. gila kau tatau. ish ish ish. currently dekat travel agent after 8 months struggle dkt hotel life. hebat. never had this kind of working imagination. haha. nampak sgt pemalas dia mcm mana kan kan? but kalau pikir balik, this is the time that i met all those kind of people yg bermcm ragam. which by the end of the day, aku sendiri boleh kenang mcm2. haha.

love life. A LOT. explains kan? every single thing that happened. tayah la bgtau kot. but deep inside me, dah mcm novel hati aku nie. haha. segala plan, segala susah payah tak berbaloi bila dia ckp, "dah tak sayang". weyh, easy gila. if only i have such of bravery yg boleh aku ckp cmtu je. ish ish ish. done with him, i knew this one guy. to be exact, my bestfriend ex bf. kau gila. yes i am. that time je la. thought that i can go through and live happily ever after. end up, yeay! aku ditinggalkn lagi sekali. this time that guy so honest to tell me that he can't love me. done. aku boleh move on cmtu je kan. kau gila. i need time either. bkn senang aku nk lupa kan cmtu je. then come this guy. my very own senior last time in high school. ok nie nak kene bukak perenggan baru. miahaha.

Encik Q. yes u. aku contact balik ngn dia pun from BBM. canggih kan dunia nie sekarang. haha. but hey. at the very first, dia hanya nak jaga aku katanya. nak tau aku pegi mana. dgn sapa. balik dgn sape ape jadah sume xtvt hidup aku la cita dia. mula2 mmg aku rasa amat lah pelik. why? why me? dia kata sbb dia anggap aku mcm adik dia. FINE. aku terima je la mcm tu. chat sana sini pelbagai2,,all of the sudden dia bgtau dia suka aku pulak dah. after all that happened, kau rasa aku boleh ke terima senang2 je? sudah aku bilang. *camne kira sheep mlm2*, give me time etc etc. dia dok la yakin kan aku utk terima dia dlm life dia. JANJI? PELBAGAI. Ape saje janji yg dia xckp? END UP. Yes. AKU TERIMA *engkonon mcm best* abudan, mcm happy la cite dia. aku jujur susah utk aku syg dia. bila aku lebih2, dia plak yg diam. dia plak yg buat tatau ngn aku. dey! aku mmg SUKA dibuat cmni. sebelum dapat, boleh plak contact sana sini kan. MAKE IT SHORT, aku dah tade pape ngn dia. enough. there is something yg dia mintak yg buat aku rasa melamapu. baru 10 hari dah mcm2 ke? =.= ok tutup kes. *rein2, kau ingat kau hot?*